This is my son

J., originally uploaded by pejnolan.

I love him. He is growing into quite a man, but how can it be that I have a young man as a son? The core of me, the soul of me, feels no older than he is.

When I was 17, I saw the world very much in black and white. The older I get the more gray I am able to view and to incorporate into my thinking. Exceptionally few issues in the world remain the simple black and white of my youth.

As a teenager I wrote in my journal that God gives everyone a glimpse of certainty when they are young. Adults seem to think of this as a negative because they will say, "That kid thinks they know everything. Wait until they get older."

I say God gives us this sense of clarity to fuel us with a passion for the rest of our lives. We form the deepest parts of who we are when we start making our own choices as teens. Real choices, not because someone has taught us to think this way or that, but choices made through our own judgment and critical thinking.

I see the choices that Jacob is making and he is making some good moves towards the path to adulthood. Part of me wants to hold him back. I miss my little blond-haired boy. More than I miss that small little guy, though, I am looking forward to meeting him as an adult. He is compassionate, thoughtful, intelligent, and handsome. (He would say that I HAVE to say that because I'm his mom.) A mom couldn't ask for much more.

Photography by Chrissy Demming.