2012:
The Year of Lost and Found
it happened
:-{>
January
January 18
th, 2012 changed my life forever. There
are very few dates that stay with a person for a lifetime: the date I was born,
the day I was married, the day my son was born – 01/18/2012 has been etched into
my mind as strongly as any of these.
On the 17th I was told that my family was being
evicted from the house we called home for the 9 years prior – that was the
longest I had ever lived at one place in my entire life. It was comfortable. It
was home, not just a house.
For me and my son, this information came out of nowhere.
Quite literally in 12 hours we lost everything: our home, my husband/his
father, our pets, our things. Because we shared on Facebook that we were being
evicted, my husband’s extended family evicted us from their lives as well. My
son was told that he was no longer part of that family and that he was never
welcome back. He also quit college because he thought that he would need to assist
me in providing income for the both of us to live on.
At first we stayed at a hotel, then on an inflatable
mattress and couch at my brother and sister-in-law’s house. My son and I were
in shock and needed time to work though the emotional upheaval we had just gone
through. My son is an amazingly grounded and responsible young adult.
- LOST: home,
studio, things, husband’s family
- FOUND: caring family,
supportive co-workers, helpful friends
February
My Grandmother gave me a gift which allowed us to get an apartment in the middle of the month. My mother dropped off pink roses
as a welcoming gift.
A loan from my parents allowed me to purchase an
excellent, quality bicycle for transportation. Work is only 2 miles away and on
very cold, wet or snowy days my son woke up early and gave me a ride.
Things started looking up. We had a place to call home now.
My son was able to salvage one class from college and I had a steady job.
Then my Grandmother passed away. She was old and had been in
poor health for so long, that it was a blessing. My young aunt was hit the
hardest. She was close to her mom until the end. It was nice to see all my cousins, aunts and uncles at the visitation and funeral. I hadn't seen them in years.
I entered the Rockford Midwestern Biennial through the
Rockford Art Museum. It took on a very
symbolic meaning for me. If I could get into a show despite all that happened,
my art could always be there for me – no matter what craziness was going on
otherwise. Artwork could be my one constant.
- LOST: Grandmother
- FOUND: apartment, transportation, the real character of my son as a man,
extended family
March
March came in like a lion! With new found purpose, I tackled
five new print editions and brought them up to Chad Luberger at Plum Bottom
Pottery for his review. Being in Door County in March was a new experience. It
was a mild winter and wasn’t that cold. For traveling companions, I invited my
brother and sister-in-law to come with. We all stopped at Kohler-Andre Park and
walked the sand dune trails in the fog as sandhill cranes called in the
distance.
In Door County we stayed at the Newport Inn Resort – their off season
prices are phenomenal! In Baileys Harbor at The Ridges, the spring peepers were
warming in the sun and floating in the swales. Sandhill cranes were flying over
our heads and pussy willows were wet with dew.
The shock was beginning to wear off and my son and I were
developing a new routine in our new life. I say this, but I was still very tense. I was having
difficulty dealing with what had happened and it was coming out as a pain in my
chest that pressed down harder and harder until I couldn’t catch my breath. I
went to the clinic and they thought it was my heart, so I was sent for overnight observation at the hospital. What the doctors didn’t
know was that my physical heart was just fine, it was that my heart was broken.
- LOST: many, many tears, cost of an overnight at the hospital
- FOUND: purpose, direction, temporary peacefulness while in Door County
April
A company I had illustrated for in 2011 contacted me out of
the blue for another project. It was a huge undertaking and upon its completion
allowed me to pay back the loan my
parents had given me. That gave me a boost of positivity.
It had been a quarter of a year since the eviction. I still
had many unanswered questions. I was still trying to figure out the “why” of it
and the truth is there was no why. It just happened and I had to accept it
instead of fight against it. Holding it all inside was hurting me and nobody
else. Besides, I reasoned, people can’t be held responsible for things they say
when in that state. So I decided to forgive the people that hurt me. I visited
my husband’s mother and spoke for the first time. We talked and she understood
how I felt and I understood how she felt. I believe we had come to an understanding and that helped immensely.
My brother and sister-in-law visited the International Crane
foundation in Baraboo, WI. I wanted to photograph some sand hill cranes close
up as reference for future prints. It was great to see new country and laugh
with them all day.
- LOST: Pride, anger
- FOUND: Compassion, empathy, income
May
The Spring just felt luscious. The winter wasn’t that cold,
but seeing the birds come back, feeling the warm sun on my face, watching the
sprigs of green sprout from the black earth… renewal. Finding joy every chance
I could took priority. I needed to fill
my cup.
June
My sister-in-law graduated from Robert-Morris College with a
degree in business. I had watched her work so hard to achieve this goal and now
she had something that no one could take away – a degree, an accomplishment,
the start to a promising new future that wasn’t possible before.
Her niece and nephew celebrated their first birthday and I
made a woodblock print of her niece with their Tia. It was entitled, “Here
there is love.” Their birthday was celebrated by a huge group family and
friends. Seeing families interact in such a loving, joyful manner is always
wonderful. During the party, I found a baby snapping turtle making its way to
the lake.
Before the eviction, I spoke of wanting to go back to school
and get me degree. I had to leave college in 1989 during my senior year. I had
filled out FAFSA and applied to Northern Illinois University just to see what
would happen.
- LOST:
- FOUND: Self-confidence
July
I turned 45 years old. My son brought me sushi for lunch! My
co-workers gave sound dampening headphones because I have been easily
distracted and they knew they would help me out. My husband purchased me a gift
subscription to ancestory.com – the international version. I found many
documents and photos of our family histories! It is history and detective work
wrapped into one. He also took me out to the Mediterrano Restaurant in town.
Mom and dad and my mother-in-law gave gifts which I used to purchase much
needed clothing.
My brother and sister-in-law took me to Fourth Fridays at
the Starline Gallery in Harvard, IL.
Art, wine, music and LAUGHTER! It was exactly what I needed and I will
forever be grateful for that evening.
My husband’s nephew married the love of his life. I kept the
promise I had made before the eviction to design their wedding invitations,
reply cards, reception cards, etc. for the extended family because I believe
that when a promise is made, it is your word and honor. It was a gift I gladly
gave the newlyweds. I thought of them all that day and hoped their union finds
within it many blessings. I wish I could have been there!
- LOST:
- FOUND: A happy birthday
August
The late summer brought my husband’s class reunion. I had a
great time playing volleyball and partaking in a cider or two. Everyone was
super nice and I made some new friends
My husband and I went on a daytrip into Chicago to view the
McCormick Bridgehouse & Chicago River museum, then went for hotdogs at Navy
Pier. It was a fun day. We even had a ride on the boat taxi.
Our son turned 19! We all went out to dinner with his uncle and aunt at his favorite Japanese restaurant, the Ju-rin, in Geneva. His uncle and him had a race... the younger of the two won.
September
The Art of the Land at the Starline Gallery in Harvard, IL!
This was my third year participating in this awesome and growing event which
raises money for The Land Conservancy. The group saves old grove oak trees
throughout McHenry County. That allowed my brother who also participates and my
sister-in-law to stay in Woodstock, IL overnight. That was were the movie
“Groundhog Day” with Bill Murray was filmed. The town square is so cute and I
love visiting the stores. They were all decorated for Halloween.
Then the biggest news of all! At the last moment, my
financial aid came through and I started back at Northern Illinois University’s
Art Department in pursuit of my Illustration degree. I also was able to get a car during the first week of school. I am so very thankful for these blessings!
- LOST: Spare time and relaxing hours
- FOUND: Education, new friends, a growing sense of self-competence and self-worth, a car
October
October swept passed as working full-time, going to classes,
trying to maintain a household and still holding on to relationships took every
spare moment. Going to bed at 4am after homework and getting up at 6:30 am to
go to work was the norm. This 45 year old body was having a difficult time –
until I discovered energy drinks… then tried to wean myself off energy drinks…
ugh, what a mistake. Now I just drink coffee. A LOT of coffee.
- LOST: Sleep
- FOUND: Accomplishment
November
Our son took off for the first time ever and went to Texas for a gaming
event. He purchased his own ticket and made some really good decisions.
He had a wonderful time!
I was nominated for our local ATHENA Award and found that I
was one of four finalists! I felt very unworthy, but everyone assured me that
my accomplishments over the years deserved community recognition. Overall, it
was both awkward and rewarding.
Grace, my wheaton-terrier/maltese mix dog, decided to chase
after a herd of deer and was stuck by a stick while running. She required 3
staples at the vets and received oodles of petting and soft talking to. I felt
so bad for her! She loved the extra pampering.
School continued, life continued, without a moment to spare.
Then Thanksgiving came. My husband, our son and I had a small gathering with homemade foods.
- LOST:
- FOUND: a few extra pounds around Thanksgiving, lol.
December
I did it! I passed both my college classes with a 4.0 GPA! I
have a few weeks to ready the apartment and prepare myself for the next
semester of classes and the next year!
Christmas was awesome. I made pumpkin pie, pork roast with crab stuffing, roasted balsamic potatoes, dinner rolls, and new peas in butter sauce. Christmas morning was nutmeg and mandarin orange french toast (using Italian bread). It was a lazy Christmas and it felt pretty dang good.
My friend started a new tradition for New Year's. She invited friends over and had a feast! We toasted one another and laughed all through the night.
My son went away with friends for the evening - the first time ever. I'm so happy for him.
- LOST: Time
- FOUND: A new year in which to try, try again...
